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Tommy Dixon's avatar

Loved this essay Julia (: so good

I’ve broadly noticed the beginning of a shift away from online interaction towards more tactile, in person real life connection (romance included)

also decided I’ll never try online dating. Not because it doesn’t work. Not because it’s bad. But because anyone I’m long-term compatible with will likely be as cynical about the digitalization of our world as me and will stubbornly refuse to hand courtship over to an algorithm. 

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Chris Jesu Lee's avatar

I'm older and a guy, so my perspective will undoubtedly be different (though I hear a lot of guys express weariness about dating apps too). For various reasons, my dating life didn't take off until I started using apps. Had I never used them, I have to wonder if my dating life trajectory would've remained flat. Dating apps certainly boosted my confidence and experience, to the point where I became more comfortable with making the coveted meet-cute approaches IRL. But what I then found was that after the initial thrill of having taken action wore off, the relationship itself (whether it was short or long) was not somehow enhanced because of how we met. In the end, all meetings are incredibly random.

I do think there's something special in meeting people in your circle or scene. There's a community aspect that's missing when dating becomes an incredibly 1-on-1 affair as it often is via dating apps. But it's also not that easy to have such a circle or scene full of dateable people, especially nowadays.

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Parvathy's avatar

I echo the not easy to have a scene of dateable people. I met my ex at work when I was 23. By the time we broke up at 27, I was working in a different country and almost everyone I met in my office was taken or married with kids by then.

I'm 30 now, and though I only have had bad experiences/lessons so far in the 3 people I've dated off apps, I wouldn't have had a dating life after my last relationship at all without them. Or maybe I would've said yes to the men who asked me out irl even when I didn't enjoy their company. But I tried that later briefly and that didn't go anywhere good either.

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Ulrich Beinert's avatar

Yes, please let this be the end of online and a renaissance of offline, and please let me have the courage (or balls) this time around to actually walk across the café to that cute girl knitting a sweater and ask her if she'd ever consider making me one. All wu wei, of course!

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Sophie Spencer's avatar

You’ve swayed me, I am deleting Hinge this instant and writing my number on a receipt for any and every hot stranger I see. Exuberant at this development for my early twenty something dating life! “Going after what you want in the moment you want it” is a Really Good Read and something I am wanting to do more of.

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emily north's avatar

omg !!! i was reading this organically not realizing you linked to my piece - thank youu!!! this is so good. as someone who is 26 and needs to get a grip who also as a inclination to date musicians who smoke cigarettes this was toooo real. i love the idea of writing your number on the back of your hand - so fun. i recently downloaded hinge again to test out a first date theory for Research and found it is as tortuous as one would expect. here’s to dating in real life!!!

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Julia Harrison's avatar

omg how funny!!! I loved the piece and thought it was so Of The Moment. Cannot wait for the first date theory post to come—

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Jtay's avatar

Awesome love this.

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Eeva's avatar

Ulysses is one of my favourite poems, ever, and that line used in this context scratches an itch in my brain that I can’t even explain!!!!!!! “Algorithmic dating” is also an incredibly apt way to describe the apps, and rooting for your serendipitous, raw, and vulnerable way to meet your person(s). ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

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Lorissa Rosario's avatar

Needed to read this after staring at redownloading Raya for an embarrassing amount of days

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sam young's avatar

anxiously waiting your dj debut tbh! you always have such eclectic and interesting music recs, i would love for you to be on My Analog Journal’s yt channel and i could fangirl!

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Julia Harrison's avatar

Hahaha SAM ilysm, i would love that as well

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Laurus's avatar

I refuse to use dating apps, and if it keeps me from meeting my soulmate, so fucking be it lol. I'm pushing myself to approach my IRL crushes, or just cute strangers in general.

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Apr 22, 2024
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Julia Harrison's avatar

Amazing rec

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